Re: What is the blues-long post



Hold on a minute. What if I STOLE the computer from a guy I shot in Memphis?

> From: "Rick Leonard" <rleonard@xxxxxxx>
> Reply-To: "Rick Leonard" <rleonard@xxxxxxx>
> Date: Sun, 6 Apr 2003 21:04:54 -0400
> To: <harp-l-digest@xxxxxxxxxx>
> Subject: Re: What is the blues-long post
> 
> 
> This is rather long but with the recent discussion on the blues, I thought
> some of you might enjoy it.
> 
> The Right To Sing The Blues HOW TO SING THE BLUES If you are new to Blues
> music, or like it but never really understood the why and wherefores, here are
> some very fundamental rules:
> 
> 1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..
> 
> 2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick
> something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest
> face in town."
> 
> 3.The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then
> find something that rhymes - sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face
> in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like
> Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."
> 
> 4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
> ditch...ain't no way out.
> 
> 5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't
> travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation
> is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored
> motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues
> lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
> 
> 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing
> the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric
> chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
> 
> 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in
> Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical
> depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to
> have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get train.
> 
> 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern
> baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues.
> Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
> 
> 9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is
> wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
> 
> 10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty bed d. bottom
> of a whiskey glass
> 
> 12. Bad places for the Blues: a. Nordstrom's b. gallery openings c. Ivy League
> institutions d. golf courses
> 
> 13. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to
> be an old person, and you slept in it.
> 
> 14. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a. you're older than
> dirt b. you're blind c. you shot a man in Memphis d. you can't be satisfied
> No, if: a. you have all your teeth b. you were once blind but now can see c.
> the man in Memphis lived d. you have a 401K or trust fund
> 
> 15. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods
> cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a
> leg up on the Blues.
> 
> 16. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues.
> Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine b. whiskey or bourbon c.
> muddy water d. black coffee The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier
> b. Chardonnay c. Snapple d. Slim Fast
> 
> 17. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death.
> Stabbed in the b ack by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are
> the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You
> can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting
> liposuction.
> 
> 18. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama
> 
> 19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather
> can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
> 
> 20. Blues Name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple,
> Lame, etc.) b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,
> etc.) c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.) For
> example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Pegleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple KiwiFillmore,
> etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")
> 
> 21. I don't care how tragic your darned life is: if you own a computer, you
> cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry!!!!!
> --
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