[Harp-L] Buckeye Shakedown

["Bill Hines" <billhines4@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

To those flying into Columbus for Buckeye in a few weeks...

As I sit here in Columbus Airport after once again being shaken down by "the
Man" (TSA) for having suspicious-looking tin contraband in my bag, I offer
this advice. Place your harps in an easily accessible pouch on the exterior
of your luggage. Carry-on or check-in. If you check bags, they may break the
locks to check out the suspicious contraband. I travel quite a bit, and this
airport is one of the only ones that will pull you out of the  security line
to look at the suspicious contraband. Other airports, I'm usually just
treated to some snide remark about having "harmonicas" or being a "harmonica
player". Once, the  TSA guy asked me to play to verify they weren't cleverly
disguised explosives or something, but when I started to pull one from the
case he said "Just kidding". Too bad, I was gonna play a wicked Red River
Valley for him.

So what happens, for example today, is this. When the bag passes through the
xray, there is suddenly commotion and loud whispering between the TSA folks
passing the bags through and the person reading the xray screen. The word
Harmonica" is heard often, as if they were discussing some evil device. By
the  time they break the huddle, my bag has passed through and I've already
retrieved it and placed it on the floor. There is more commotion as they try
to  figure out what happened to the evil bag. Momentarily, they are panicked
and frightened until I give it up, asking "looking for this?" I am escorted
to the "special area" for offenders who have come through with metal or God
forbid with their shoes on (another hint, when they say "you might want to
remove your shoes to save some time" they *mean* it, if you don't you go to
the special area regardless of whether you have set off the beeper. They are
looking for more than metal in your shoes. Hint: wear clean and odor free
socks.

So TSA person asks "Ok, where are the harmonicas?" and I point to the pouch.
They empty the *entire* contents of the pouch, open everything up  (contents
of toiletry kit spilling to the floor, spectators are now forming on the
perimeter). They try to get the Lee Oskar cases (linked together)  open, and
can't figure out the side open deal. I try to help, but in terse terms are
told "Sir, step away from the harmonicas". They inspect each,  looking
suspiciously at them. I'm waiting tensely for her to toot on one, so then I
can inform her of my rare, incurable, fatal, and very contagious gum
disease, and then tell her (when she revives), "just kidding". Then they
toss my pouch crap all into a grey plastic bin, and swab the pouch and test
the swab for explosives (I am **NOT** kidding here). They put the whole bag
and grey tub through the xray machine again. Then I am allowed to put my
things back together and pass. 

I ask why this is one of the only airports that does this and told it's up
to the operators. She says gthey are seeing a lot of harmonicas lately, and
I said just wait a few weeks, you're going to have some real fun. I told her
about the convention and she had this look of dread on her face. She made
mental notes after asking the dates to put in for vacation or call in "sick"
to get this gum soreness checked out. 

This whole thing delayed me quite a bit, so make sure you leave plenty of
time for the shakedown. This will likley only affect you when *leaving*
Columbus, since you will already have been through security at your
departure airport when you get here. Be polite with these people, or they
*will* make you pay the price! Funny thing is, all the while, nobody even
doubted what these were.

Bill Hines
Hershey, PA